I'm not sure if anyone agrees with me, but I have found that I have a hard time doing things for myself that are necessities or that make me happy. Take making dinner for example. I have a hard time motivating myself to make dinner for myself when it was just me in Tampa over the summer, but I'll do it in a heartbeat for April if she's had hard day and needs some time off her feet. The Gym is another example. When I went to the gym, I couldn't go on my own accord, but rather only if I was meeting a friend there--it was the thought of someone meeting me and I didn't want to flake on them that got me out of bed.
Why is this? Anyone out there that know me well enough to address this, tell me why I can't help myself and be contented with that aspect of my life? I mean, I am happy. I am happy with the situation I'm in: I have a beautiful-smart-lovely fiancee, a job that pays my bills, a car that gets me there. I am happy with my life. My question is why can't I be happy doing for myself?
Any ideas?
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2 comments:
It's the points you mentioned: making dinner for April in a heart beat, making sure not to flake on a friend even just for the gym, that just make it more clear that you always aim to please others before you please yourself. Not to say that you require the approval of others, simply that seeing someone you care about happy whether or not you were the cause of that joy, makes life worth living for you. You always have put others before yourself, and you always will, it's when you begin to realize what things will benefit your own well being more at times, that you will feel even better when you do good things for others. I also think you're in the middle of a transitional phase, planning your wedding and any school left if you are still doing any of that, you just need to get over that hump of these huge plans that you have set out for yourself, and once you're settled and married you will feel better about doing things for #1: you. That's what makes you such a good friend, Nick, you always, think of other before you think of yourself. :)
Thanks Jess for your insight. I appreciate your thoughts. I am just hoping that I don't follow the same route that my mother has gone down. Where she's been so selfless that she has lost sight of taking care of herself. She now finds herself in the midst of learning how to do that after so many years of raising kids in the midst of caregiving for her mother. Tough stuff. I just want to know how I can make it a habit NOW, rather than later. Thanks again for your caring insight!
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