After hearing some exploits from friends and family in the past about people they describe as "controlling", it made me think about what the cause of this controlling behavior might be. My answer is that I believe that there is a direct relationship between a person wishing to exhibit control over some aspect in their life, and their insecurity in that same aspect of life.
For example, is someone you know controlling as far as the household finances? It very well maybe that they feel the need to exhibit this control because of an insecurity of receiving a windfall of financial hardship if they don't.
Let's take another example. A wife feels insecure about her looks, so she exhibits a desire to have control over the natural progression of her beauty as she ages, and receives plastic surgery. Meanwhile, her husband feels insecure about his masculinity and sees his wife with a surgically enhanced looks and his insecurity becomes exacerbated. Suddenly, he becomes (more) controlling in regards to where his wife goes unattended because he himself is insecure of losing her to someone younger and more masculine.
There are plenty of other scenarios I could potentially come up with, but I think the relationship between insecurity and the exhibition of control is clear. If it is true, I think it does offer a little more understanding about those who exhibit controlling behavior over us, and perhaps enable us to sympathize rather than patronize.
Any thoughts?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Release and Surprise
I have found that the sooner we release our expectations we have of others, the sooner we can offer them the opportunity to surprise us. The sooner we extinguish these expectations and accept those for who they are, the sooner, I believe, we can accept people for who they are, rather than expect them to act the way we would have them act, or expect them to react a prescribed way to a particular situation. I believe it is only then, that we rid ourselves of our own subjectivity, and see people for who they are--the good as well as the bad--rather than who we want them to be.
I have found this true with the relationship with my brothers. My first Christmas back from moving to Florida, I did not get a "warm reception" they way I had envisioned it. I departed Phoenix upset and rebellious toward them. Then my wife said something in her wonderful wisdom: "Nick, you're just pissed because they're not acting the way you want them to." And there's the light bulb. It was then and there I realized I needed to let go of the expectations I had of their reactions toward me, to let them be who they are and accept that, and realize they are not going to react the same way towards a social or a family issue as I would approach these same subjects. The more I expect them to act the way I would, the sooner I am setting myself up for disappointment.
The next rendezvous, my grandmother's memorial, I instituted this new logic, and I found that I was much more comfortable around them, not constantly wishing they would react to my comments or existence in the room as they would another brother. It was when I let go of these disappointments founded on expectation, that I discovered these very disappointments distracted me from the good in my relationship with them.
I can't change the people in my life; but I can change my expectations of them.
I have found this true with the relationship with my brothers. My first Christmas back from moving to Florida, I did not get a "warm reception" they way I had envisioned it. I departed Phoenix upset and rebellious toward them. Then my wife said something in her wonderful wisdom: "Nick, you're just pissed because they're not acting the way you want them to." And there's the light bulb. It was then and there I realized I needed to let go of the expectations I had of their reactions toward me, to let them be who they are and accept that, and realize they are not going to react the same way towards a social or a family issue as I would approach these same subjects. The more I expect them to act the way I would, the sooner I am setting myself up for disappointment.
The next rendezvous, my grandmother's memorial, I instituted this new logic, and I found that I was much more comfortable around them, not constantly wishing they would react to my comments or existence in the room as they would another brother. It was when I let go of these disappointments founded on expectation, that I discovered these very disappointments distracted me from the good in my relationship with them.
I can't change the people in my life; but I can change my expectations of them.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Yes You Can
I heard on NPR during the primary an interview from an editor of Ebony Magazine regarding Obama's candidacy for President. He spoke of how part of black culture found refuge in the idea that they cannot get ahead because of oppression from "The Man". This concept, he explained, of being "beaten down" by a white man in a position of power was, for so long, at the core of African-American culture. He continued by saying that having a black man in the highest political office in America could potentially threaten this portion of their identity.
As I and plenty of my friends join the African-American triumph in getting a competent man in office of African-American origin, I suddenly think of something that SOME African-Americans, who use racism as a scapegoat as to why they cannot succeed, may not appreciate: the next time they cross my path and say "I can't get ahead because I'm black," I will simply respond "Yes You can."
As I and plenty of my friends join the African-American triumph in getting a competent man in office of African-American origin, I suddenly think of something that SOME African-Americans, who use racism as a scapegoat as to why they cannot succeed, may not appreciate: the next time they cross my path and say "I can't get ahead because I'm black," I will simply respond "Yes You can."
Sunday, September 28, 2008
My Ideal Inaugural Address
As the title suggests, the following is my ideal Inaugural Address. This is what I would like to hear the president, whomever they may be, say on that sunny D.C. day on Capitol Hill.
Now I recognize that much of this may seem hypocritical to those of you who have studied American Foreign Policy or who have lived/worked abroad, especially with regards to United States foreign policy. I ask please recognize that this speech was written with the average American in mind; the person who may not have had such exposure to America's hypocrisies.
~~~~
Vice President, Madam Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, reverend clergy, fellow citizens:
Opportunity--it is what drives the American Dream. Let us take the opportunity then, to bask in the wonder of this opportunity to welcome the beginning of the end of the past, without losing sight of our future.
Many inaugural addresses our history's past have glorified our nation, highlighting our blessings as well as our entitlements; and though I plan to do the same, I believe it to be my duty, as your president, to be honest with you;
We have lost our way.
America is no longer a beacon of democracy, hope, and human rights; now, we are feared by innocent nations and alienated by our allies; the terrorists of Al-Qaida have pushed us into a corner where a hope to strike fear into the hearts of Americans led to Americans fearing to hope.
America is no longer the leader in economic growth and innovation because America no longer relies on innovation and growth for her survival; but rather has taken a loan against the world market.
America is no longer the educational powerhouse it once was simply because America has lacked an adversary with whom to compete.
Ladies and Gentlemen of Congress, the White house, and my fellow Americans: these days are over.
It is time we take back our place in the world, not as an object of exceptionalism, but as the symbol of man’s potential.
This will not be an easy road.
It has been the tradition of American Foreign policy to act only considering the interests of America, without considering those of our allies.
These days of unilateralism are numbered. The Iraq war I inherit today and the proliferation of the global terrorist threat is a demonstration of this fact.
America was at its greatest when we once led an alliance of shared principles: freedom, democracy, the sanctity of human life, and the distaste for intolerance. These principles are still shared by our allies, however our recent methods to enforce them have invalidated our credibility to represent them.
Therefore, to our Allies around the globe:
This ends now.
From now on, America stands to lead the free, democratic nations of the earth into the future with a renewed sense of self.
From now on, we look to confer with our allies regarding the struggles which plague, not just our nation, but those nations across the globe who suffer under the dark clouds of oppression, hunger, and illness.
From now on, “E Pluribus Unum” is no longer an American slogan; it is the battle cry of a renewed alliance.
(pause)
In the realm of innovation and economic growth, I offer a question:
How did we ever expect to compete with the world market if we continuously ship our jobs, our business, and our investment overseas?
America: this ends now
China’s economy has been growing at an exponential rate, and their recent space walk has now ranked them as competitors with other Space fairing nations. It is estimated that within the next 5-7 years, china will walk on the moon.
It is no surprise, then, that China is the leading nation in Science and Mathematics scores in the world.
In the process to fulfilling President Kennedy’s lunar challenge, the American people created several key innovations which resulted in the successful lunar landing.
It was no surprise, then that America was in the top 5 nations in Mathematics and Sciences.
If we do not meet the Chinese challenge with a challenge of our own we will be left behind.
Therefore, we will settle the Moon before the end of 2018; and we will be the first to walk on Mars by the end of 2022.
From now on, we create a new plan to better support our schools and our teachers in order to invest in our future, not just for our celestial goals, but to bask in the spill over effect education has upon innovation in our economy.
From now on, we will ensure this goal will spill over to bolster jobs and innovation so we may recapture the reverence the American brand once earned.
From now on, we aim for excellence. We bring back home those contracts which have gone overseas, not because we are entitled, but because we’ve earned it.
(pause)
And lastly, my fellow Americans, we have become spoiled. While the United States consumes 25 percent of the world's resources, we have merely an eighth of the world's population; America's waistband increases as the third world eats from the crumbs of our table.
This ends now.
No longer will the United States have a policy of entitlement and exceptionalism.
We need to stimulate production in this country so we too may meet the global demand, not of our own appetite, but of the appetite of our growing neighbors in Asia. For once, let our innovation and production ensure that China purchases more American goods than American bonds.
We will once again be the shining example of hard work, innovation, and prosperity we once were. However, America's example is only as strong as the sum of its parts; and so my fellow Americans, the end of this policy of entitlement starts at home.
Far too long has America enabled the lazy to freeload on the backs of the hardworking. This is why it is essential to, not only place a time limit on Government welfare and appropriations, but to combine this time line with $1 billion in appropriations to services and public relations to make sure we all know about these programs to get you back on your feet; it is time America puts its full resources into affording us all this opportunity.
For those of us who say, "I can't"; I say, "try". For those who say, "I won't", I say "tough".
This country was founded on the backs of those who believed in the ability of man to transcend any obstacle, and spit in the eye of adversity. The entitlement of freedom comes at the price of responsibility.
And so my fellow Americans, it is time that we not only remind the rest of the world that our nation is capable to assume the responsibility associated with great power, we must prove to ourselves that we still earn right to be considered American.
Thank You. God Bless you. And God Bless America.
Now I recognize that much of this may seem hypocritical to those of you who have studied American Foreign Policy or who have lived/worked abroad, especially with regards to United States foreign policy. I ask please recognize that this speech was written with the average American in mind; the person who may not have had such exposure to America's hypocrisies.
~~~~
Vice President, Madam Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, reverend clergy, fellow citizens:
Opportunity--it is what drives the American Dream. Let us take the opportunity then, to bask in the wonder of this opportunity to welcome the beginning of the end of the past, without losing sight of our future.
Many inaugural addresses our history's past have glorified our nation, highlighting our blessings as well as our entitlements; and though I plan to do the same, I believe it to be my duty, as your president, to be honest with you;
We have lost our way.
America is no longer a beacon of democracy, hope, and human rights; now, we are feared by innocent nations and alienated by our allies; the terrorists of Al-Qaida have pushed us into a corner where a hope to strike fear into the hearts of Americans led to Americans fearing to hope.
America is no longer the leader in economic growth and innovation because America no longer relies on innovation and growth for her survival; but rather has taken a loan against the world market.
America is no longer the educational powerhouse it once was simply because America has lacked an adversary with whom to compete.
Ladies and Gentlemen of Congress, the White house, and my fellow Americans: these days are over.
It is time we take back our place in the world, not as an object of exceptionalism, but as the symbol of man’s potential.
This will not be an easy road.
It has been the tradition of American Foreign policy to act only considering the interests of America, without considering those of our allies.
These days of unilateralism are numbered. The Iraq war I inherit today and the proliferation of the global terrorist threat is a demonstration of this fact.
America was at its greatest when we once led an alliance of shared principles: freedom, democracy, the sanctity of human life, and the distaste for intolerance. These principles are still shared by our allies, however our recent methods to enforce them have invalidated our credibility to represent them.
Therefore, to our Allies around the globe:
This ends now.
From now on, America stands to lead the free, democratic nations of the earth into the future with a renewed sense of self.
From now on, we look to confer with our allies regarding the struggles which plague, not just our nation, but those nations across the globe who suffer under the dark clouds of oppression, hunger, and illness.
From now on, “E Pluribus Unum” is no longer an American slogan; it is the battle cry of a renewed alliance.
(pause)
In the realm of innovation and economic growth, I offer a question:
How did we ever expect to compete with the world market if we continuously ship our jobs, our business, and our investment overseas?
America: this ends now
China’s economy has been growing at an exponential rate, and their recent space walk has now ranked them as competitors with other Space fairing nations. It is estimated that within the next 5-7 years, china will walk on the moon.
It is no surprise, then, that China is the leading nation in Science and Mathematics scores in the world.
In the process to fulfilling President Kennedy’s lunar challenge, the American people created several key innovations which resulted in the successful lunar landing.
It was no surprise, then that America was in the top 5 nations in Mathematics and Sciences.
If we do not meet the Chinese challenge with a challenge of our own we will be left behind.
Therefore, we will settle the Moon before the end of 2018; and we will be the first to walk on Mars by the end of 2022.
From now on, we create a new plan to better support our schools and our teachers in order to invest in our future, not just for our celestial goals, but to bask in the spill over effect education has upon innovation in our economy.
From now on, we will ensure this goal will spill over to bolster jobs and innovation so we may recapture the reverence the American brand once earned.
From now on, we aim for excellence. We bring back home those contracts which have gone overseas, not because we are entitled, but because we’ve earned it.
(pause)
And lastly, my fellow Americans, we have become spoiled. While the United States consumes 25 percent of the world's resources, we have merely an eighth of the world's population; America's waistband increases as the third world eats from the crumbs of our table.
This ends now.
No longer will the United States have a policy of entitlement and exceptionalism.
We need to stimulate production in this country so we too may meet the global demand, not of our own appetite, but of the appetite of our growing neighbors in Asia. For once, let our innovation and production ensure that China purchases more American goods than American bonds.
We will once again be the shining example of hard work, innovation, and prosperity we once were. However, America's example is only as strong as the sum of its parts; and so my fellow Americans, the end of this policy of entitlement starts at home.
Far too long has America enabled the lazy to freeload on the backs of the hardworking. This is why it is essential to, not only place a time limit on Government welfare and appropriations, but to combine this time line with $1 billion in appropriations to services and public relations to make sure we all know about these programs to get you back on your feet; it is time America puts its full resources into affording us all this opportunity.
For those of us who say, "I can't"; I say, "try". For those who say, "I won't", I say "tough".
This country was founded on the backs of those who believed in the ability of man to transcend any obstacle, and spit in the eye of adversity. The entitlement of freedom comes at the price of responsibility.
And so my fellow Americans, it is time that we not only remind the rest of the world that our nation is capable to assume the responsibility associated with great power, we must prove to ourselves that we still earn right to be considered American.
Thank You. God Bless you. And God Bless America.
Get Pissed, America Deserves It.
I normally don't do this: I don't outwardly favor one candidate over another. But those of you who have talked with me of late, know that even though I am still on the fence regarding some issues, I am leaning towards Barack Obama for my presidential vote. Despite this slight leftist turn, I was disappointed in his performance at the debates. The following is a message I sent to his campaign staff. I'm sure my suggestion is but a single drop in the ocean of correspondence his campaign staff has with Americans, but it is my hope it will have a lasting ripple effect.
~~~~
The following is a op-ed piece in the NYTimes and I believe it is worth the read for the campaign.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/21/opinion/21dowd-sorkin.html?_r=3&em&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
I agree mostly with this article. It was an entertaining read, despite a description of Sarah Palin that was a little far fetched (don't get me wrong, I still think she's nothing but a cheerleader who thinks she's running for class president). But all in all, I agree. I know from the primaries that Obama is cool and collected which is a necessary trait; but I want to see him get--albeit controlled--pissed off on my behalf. This country has gone through so much in the past 8 years, that we need a president that will get angry on our behalf. I want an advocate. He needs to mirror the frustration of the middle class to complement his plan for change. People en masse vote with their emotion not logic--as a Political Science Master's student, I know this to be a given, especially when they're on a fence; which is the case with many independent voters right now-I know because I and my wife are two of them.
I watched to debate in Mississippi, and quite frankly, I had to fight off the temptation to misinterpret "calm and collected" as "cold and disinterested". This was easy to do when I know the difference, but many who are just now tuning into your campaign may not.
We've gone through 8-years of economic downturn and wartime strife, and I for one am frustrated and upset about it--is it too much to ask for a president who is an advocate and is demonstrated as such?
Damnit, Obama, get fired up during those debates, get pissed. America deserves it.
~~~~
I welcome opinions and thoughts.
~~~~
The following is a op-ed piece in the NYTimes and I believe it is worth the read for the campaign.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/21/opinion/21dowd-sorkin.html?_r=3&em&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
I agree mostly with this article. It was an entertaining read, despite a description of Sarah Palin that was a little far fetched (don't get me wrong, I still think she's nothing but a cheerleader who thinks she's running for class president). But all in all, I agree. I know from the primaries that Obama is cool and collected which is a necessary trait; but I want to see him get--albeit controlled--pissed off on my behalf. This country has gone through so much in the past 8 years, that we need a president that will get angry on our behalf. I want an advocate. He needs to mirror the frustration of the middle class to complement his plan for change. People en masse vote with their emotion not logic--as a Political Science Master's student, I know this to be a given, especially when they're on a fence; which is the case with many independent voters right now-I know because I and my wife are two of them.
I watched to debate in Mississippi, and quite frankly, I had to fight off the temptation to misinterpret "calm and collected" as "cold and disinterested". This was easy to do when I know the difference, but many who are just now tuning into your campaign may not.
We've gone through 8-years of economic downturn and wartime strife, and I for one am frustrated and upset about it--is it too much to ask for a president who is an advocate and is demonstrated as such?
Damnit, Obama, get fired up during those debates, get pissed. America deserves it.
~~~~
I welcome opinions and thoughts.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Spinning My Wheels...
We all have had those moments where we see the successes of our friends and family; and though we are happy for them, we find after prolonged exposure that it highlights some of our own shortcomings, and by the end of it--we just feel like a bike not making contact with the ground, just spinning our wheels never to go anywhere.
I got news today that my brother, Nathan, heard news that Wired.com is interested in a project he's been working two years on in his free time. His baby, his brainchild, and likely to be his bread and caviar for the rest of his life, Project Cosmos, is crowning in its birth to startem ; and Na has just realized he just needs to bare-down. Na, it's long over due! I'm so happy for you!
The Nicks. I have ALWAYS said that Z's vocals and guitar combined with Marcotte's lyrics were a winning combination (listen for yourself!). After 8 years, Z and Marcotte have perfected their art form to finally, in my humble opinion, compete in the industry and be up and coming. All I have left to say is, "just don't forget me when your famous--I get back-stage passes to hug your sorry asses!" the Nick duo take the listener on a lyrical ride on a sled of sophisticated guitar work. Z's voice manipulates Marcotte's lyric as Kobe Bryant would a basketball, leaving the audience awed by the emotional ride they've just been on. Each song is different, introducing a new and exciting character to the listener. Just remember me when you've made it big guys.
Witnessing these two evolutionary changes for each of these very deserving men, I am both happy for them, while at the same time, fighting the urge to feel left behind as I reflect upon my own resume. Bottom of the barrel at Social Security, Retail, Retail, and more Retail. I'm afraid to admit that I might be so supportive of going to Harrisonburg, Va so I can blame the size of the town for my not getting any farther than I am now, rather than have to face a fact more bruising to the ego. (I'm sure that's not the reason for my support, though it is tempting!)
But, in the face of it all, I continue to apply for work. I'm sure that thinking, "yeah, another resume gone to the black hole of cyberspace" or "well, this is a long shot" will not help my chances any. I feel like I am caught in a perpetual catch-22; hello folks, I need a job BEFORE I can say I have experience, ok? In all fairness, my wife's reaction, in its impervious logic, stated that these two have been working for years on something they've wanted--and I might be there too had I realized what I wanted earlier in life; I can't expect it to happen overnight.
And I don't. I just find that such a huge part of my identity is what I can say I do for a living, to say I can adequately provide for my family. I find I get passionate about politics, positioning, and the chess behind human politicking. I have searched for jobs with the words "political affairs", "political analyist" and both of those with the word "assistant" in them to maybe catch a break on an entry level job. But, with every passing resume submitted to the depths of nothingness in cyberspace, never to be heard from again, it can't help but ware on me and my self-worth.
I can't help but think that the man my wife met nearly three years ago who was confident, and sure of himself was fooling her--and himself. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that she loves me; and knowing her demand for excellence with anything she's associated with, perhaps she sees something I don't.
I love you, Sexy. Don't stop believing.
I got news today that my brother, Nathan, heard news that Wired.com is interested in a project he's been working two years on in his free time. His baby, his brainchild, and likely to be his bread and caviar for the rest of his life, Project Cosmos, is crowning in its birth to startem ; and Na has just realized he just needs to bare-down. Na, it's long over due! I'm so happy for you!
The Nicks. I have ALWAYS said that Z's vocals and guitar combined with Marcotte's lyrics were a winning combination (listen for yourself!). After 8 years, Z and Marcotte have perfected their art form to finally, in my humble opinion, compete in the industry and be up and coming. All I have left to say is, "just don't forget me when your famous--I get back-stage passes to hug your sorry asses!" the Nick duo take the listener on a lyrical ride on a sled of sophisticated guitar work. Z's voice manipulates Marcotte's lyric as Kobe Bryant would a basketball, leaving the audience awed by the emotional ride they've just been on. Each song is different, introducing a new and exciting character to the listener. Just remember me when you've made it big guys.
Witnessing these two evolutionary changes for each of these very deserving men, I am both happy for them, while at the same time, fighting the urge to feel left behind as I reflect upon my own resume. Bottom of the barrel at Social Security, Retail, Retail, and more Retail. I'm afraid to admit that I might be so supportive of going to Harrisonburg, Va so I can blame the size of the town for my not getting any farther than I am now, rather than have to face a fact more bruising to the ego. (I'm sure that's not the reason for my support, though it is tempting!)
But, in the face of it all, I continue to apply for work. I'm sure that thinking, "yeah, another resume gone to the black hole of cyberspace" or "well, this is a long shot" will not help my chances any. I feel like I am caught in a perpetual catch-22; hello folks, I need a job BEFORE I can say I have experience, ok? In all fairness, my wife's reaction, in its impervious logic, stated that these two have been working for years on something they've wanted--and I might be there too had I realized what I wanted earlier in life; I can't expect it to happen overnight.
And I don't. I just find that such a huge part of my identity is what I can say I do for a living, to say I can adequately provide for my family. I find I get passionate about politics, positioning, and the chess behind human politicking. I have searched for jobs with the words "political affairs", "political analyist" and both of those with the word "assistant" in them to maybe catch a break on an entry level job. But, with every passing resume submitted to the depths of nothingness in cyberspace, never to be heard from again, it can't help but ware on me and my self-worth.
I can't help but think that the man my wife met nearly three years ago who was confident, and sure of himself was fooling her--and himself. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that she loves me; and knowing her demand for excellence with anything she's associated with, perhaps she sees something I don't.
I love you, Sexy. Don't stop believing.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
A Call for Darwinism
As many already know, Hurricane Ike has plowed through Galveston, TX like a bull through a china shop. Many were asked to leave, and for the sake of preventing traffic jams, people from Houston were asked not to evacuate simply so those in Galveston could safely evacuate. (As many from both cities evacuated for Hurricane Rita, many died on the jamed freeways via accident and everyone else was stuck in traffic jams for up to 30 hours). 250,000 people refused to leave Galveston and are now pleading for help, according to the latest msnbc.com coverage.
Now, the federal government is looking at spending hundreds of billions for repair and, part of that cost will likely go into rescue missions for those who were dumb enough to stay, even after the Weather service released a public announcement that those who stayed would face "certain death". I say let them. I apologize if this seems jaded and cynical, but (with acceptation to those who COULD not leave based on handicap, etc. as opposed to those who WOULD not leave) those who chose to stay should not qualify for federal aid for rescue. I believe that to stay after such a strong warning from federal and state agencies leads to a forfeiting of a victim's right to aid. As a tax payer, it pisses me off to have to pay for someone's poor judgement. Instead, rather than subsidizing idiocy, let those who lacked the intelligence to heed warning parish, I'm sure the gene pool would be better off anyway.
Now, the federal government is looking at spending hundreds of billions for repair and, part of that cost will likely go into rescue missions for those who were dumb enough to stay, even after the Weather service released a public announcement that those who stayed would face "certain death". I say let them. I apologize if this seems jaded and cynical, but (with acceptation to those who COULD not leave based on handicap, etc. as opposed to those who WOULD not leave) those who chose to stay should not qualify for federal aid for rescue. I believe that to stay after such a strong warning from federal and state agencies leads to a forfeiting of a victim's right to aid. As a tax payer, it pisses me off to have to pay for someone's poor judgement. Instead, rather than subsidizing idiocy, let those who lacked the intelligence to heed warning parish, I'm sure the gene pool would be better off anyway.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Looking Forward
As I approach the need to get another job with the finalization of my degree, I find myself surrounded by my friends' success, and I am envious of their inspiration. Where James has African social justice, Z has his music, and Marcotte has inner-city youth education, and April has gerontological research, I do not feel I have a passion for any one particular topic, which proves problematic.
I was never one for "Crusin'" in a car, I always needed a destination to drive to. I feel as though I have the gas, an operational engine, four wheels, etc., but I don't have direction--and that is what I pray for: A job that keeps me entertained, but is not too stressful, challenging enough to keep me interested, but not so difficult to discourage me, I can see the fruits of my labor in a relatively short period of time, and that it pays for my (and my family's) life--but that's like saying "I want to drive somewhere with mountains", rather than a specific location; I don't know where to start.
And my lack of luster for my degree program doesn't help matters much for my morale either. Working for something that I'm not entirely convinced will forward my employment opportunities is VERY difficult to work towards. It is only on a leap of faith that I even justify finishing this degree.
So I work towards an occupational future unknown and uninspiring (at least at the moment). I am just going to apply to anything and everything I find, and just see where God points me. I guess that isall I can do at this point--I certainly do not have all the answers, that's obvious.
I was never one for "Crusin'" in a car, I always needed a destination to drive to. I feel as though I have the gas, an operational engine, four wheels, etc., but I don't have direction--and that is what I pray for: A job that keeps me entertained, but is not too stressful, challenging enough to keep me interested, but not so difficult to discourage me, I can see the fruits of my labor in a relatively short period of time, and that it pays for my (and my family's) life--but that's like saying "I want to drive somewhere with mountains", rather than a specific location; I don't know where to start.
And my lack of luster for my degree program doesn't help matters much for my morale either. Working for something that I'm not entirely convinced will forward my employment opportunities is VERY difficult to work towards. It is only on a leap of faith that I even justify finishing this degree.
So I work towards an occupational future unknown and uninspiring (at least at the moment). I am just going to apply to anything and everything I find, and just see where God points me. I guess that isall I can do at this point--I certainly do not have all the answers, that's obvious.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Caregiving: A perspective
The following is an email I sent to my mom, the caregiver for my grandmother, her mother. I'm interested to see what many of you think:
Hey Mom,
I got to thinking about what you said the [hospice] nurse mentioned to you about caregiving being a job where you're bound to fail. I understand how seeing as the purpose of a caregiver might be seen as a job designed to keep someone alive and well might be something where you would be set up to fail since we all pass on someday.
Then I started thinking, death is as certain as gravity; telling someone that a job of a caregiver is set up to fail under the previously mentioned line of logic is the same as saying that a javelin thrower is set up to fail because the javelin will ultimately hit the ground.
Taking this metaphor a bit farther, I would perhaps consider a caregiver like a javelin, shot put, or discus thrower. Despite the fact that they put all of themselves into the throw, they know the instrument will eventually hit the ground, but that's taken as granted; they aim for distance. Grandma lived YEARS beyond what many believed to be her time simply because you gave her superior care.
In short, when grandma passes on, you did not fail, you won the gold.
I love you,
Nick
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Jeanette Stutler (1933-2008)
I heard once that to truly understand how someone lives, you experience how they die. Jeanette Stutler was one of the classiest, hippest, coolest granny's I've had the pleasure to get to know. When Hospice asked what her favorite music was so she could have something pleasant to listen to as she passed, it was a no brainer to put in her brand new Eagles CD she got for Christmas. After her viewing, the family gathered at "Gators, Dockside", a family-friendly sports bar at which that they all--including Grandma--enjoyed eating. Stories of her filled the atmosphere; it seemed appropriate that the Eagles' "Take It Easy" was playing in the background.
I'm not sure what her favorite Eagles song was, but "Take It Easy" could have definitely been her mantra. She lived for sports. I learned at her funeral that she became so fanatical about boxing, that she'd have to leave the room out of pure frustration if her man was being pounded, but not before shouting at the TV as if she were the coach in the corner. Furthermore, she had a TV in every room so not to miss any sports action, be it NASCAR, boxing, or football. As a pallbearer, I joked with other pallbearers how we should be dressed up as a pit crew and her casket should be littered with sponsors on the lid and sides. Now, before thinking this to be a disrespectful comment, consider a nearby eavesdropper's reaction when they pipped in saying, "she would have loved that."
But, before we view her to be too unconventional, let's consider Jeanette Stutler as "grandma", not the adjective, but the verb. Jeanette served as the cornerstone and the communication hub for her family. She could not keep a secret. If a family member confessed a grievance to her, rest assured that grievance got around to the other members of the family. This family has no secrets; Jeanette is the reason why.
Though I only knew her for only a couple years, she served as the major source of support for April, her mom, her sisters, cousins, and anyone else that was related to her. When April was in need, her Grandmother was the first to offer funds to help alleviate the issue despite April's shyness to take the money.
She was a giving soul, not just monetarily, but of her time as well. If there was ever a time April needed an ear to comfort her, her grandma was always just a phone call away. She was like that for every member of her family.
Lastly, she baked like no other grandmother. Her spaghetti sauce defined grandmotherly cooking--a recipe, like fine wine, that only got better with age. Then there were the legendary pepperoni rolls. As an outsider, I never really understood the phenomenon these represented... then I tasted one. Zesty pepperoni inconspicuously wrapped in a dinner roll. She was always sure to have something baked and ready in the event that company dropped by.
Jeanette Stutler died as she had lived: in her own home, surrounded by loving family, the Eagles played in the background, and every TV was playing the most recent sporting event for the many family members that were around.
I am thankful to have met Jeanette Stutler. She instilled in April many wonderful qualities. And, though I didn't know her for but a couple years, I know she lives on in the lessons, recipes, and memories April and the rest of her family have to offer. It was a pleasure to get to know her, and it will be a pleasure to know her further as I become a more integrated member of this family.
God Be With You Jeanette.
I'm not sure what her favorite Eagles song was, but "Take It Easy" could have definitely been her mantra. She lived for sports. I learned at her funeral that she became so fanatical about boxing, that she'd have to leave the room out of pure frustration if her man was being pounded, but not before shouting at the TV as if she were the coach in the corner. Furthermore, she had a TV in every room so not to miss any sports action, be it NASCAR, boxing, or football. As a pallbearer, I joked with other pallbearers how we should be dressed up as a pit crew and her casket should be littered with sponsors on the lid and sides. Now, before thinking this to be a disrespectful comment, consider a nearby eavesdropper's reaction when they pipped in saying, "she would have loved that."
But, before we view her to be too unconventional, let's consider Jeanette Stutler as "grandma", not the adjective, but the verb. Jeanette served as the cornerstone and the communication hub for her family. She could not keep a secret. If a family member confessed a grievance to her, rest assured that grievance got around to the other members of the family. This family has no secrets; Jeanette is the reason why.
Though I only knew her for only a couple years, she served as the major source of support for April, her mom, her sisters, cousins, and anyone else that was related to her. When April was in need, her Grandmother was the first to offer funds to help alleviate the issue despite April's shyness to take the money.
She was a giving soul, not just monetarily, but of her time as well. If there was ever a time April needed an ear to comfort her, her grandma was always just a phone call away. She was like that for every member of her family.
Lastly, she baked like no other grandmother. Her spaghetti sauce defined grandmotherly cooking--a recipe, like fine wine, that only got better with age. Then there were the legendary pepperoni rolls. As an outsider, I never really understood the phenomenon these represented... then I tasted one. Zesty pepperoni inconspicuously wrapped in a dinner roll. She was always sure to have something baked and ready in the event that company dropped by.
Jeanette Stutler died as she had lived: in her own home, surrounded by loving family, the Eagles played in the background, and every TV was playing the most recent sporting event for the many family members that were around.
I am thankful to have met Jeanette Stutler. She instilled in April many wonderful qualities. And, though I didn't know her for but a couple years, I know she lives on in the lessons, recipes, and memories April and the rest of her family have to offer. It was a pleasure to get to know her, and it will be a pleasure to know her further as I become a more integrated member of this family.
God Be With You Jeanette.
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