We all have had those moments where we see the successes of our friends and family; and though we are happy for them, we find after prolonged exposure that it highlights some of our own shortcomings, and by the end of it--we just feel like a bike not making contact with the ground, just spinning our wheels never to go anywhere.
I got news today that my brother, Nathan, heard news that Wired.com is interested in a project he's been working two years on in his free time. His baby, his brainchild, and likely to be his bread and caviar for the rest of his life, Project Cosmos, is crowning in its birth to startem ; and Na has just realized he just needs to bare-down. Na, it's long over due! I'm so happy for you!
The Nicks. I have ALWAYS said that Z's vocals and guitar combined with Marcotte's lyrics were a winning combination (listen for yourself!). After 8 years, Z and Marcotte have perfected their art form to finally, in my humble opinion, compete in the industry and be up and coming. All I have left to say is, "just don't forget me when your famous--I get back-stage passes to hug your sorry asses!" the Nick duo take the listener on a lyrical ride on a sled of sophisticated guitar work. Z's voice manipulates Marcotte's lyric as Kobe Bryant would a basketball, leaving the audience awed by the emotional ride they've just been on. Each song is different, introducing a new and exciting character to the listener. Just remember me when you've made it big guys.
Witnessing these two evolutionary changes for each of these very deserving men, I am both happy for them, while at the same time, fighting the urge to feel left behind as I reflect upon my own resume. Bottom of the barrel at Social Security, Retail, Retail, and more Retail. I'm afraid to admit that I might be so supportive of going to Harrisonburg, Va so I can blame the size of the town for my not getting any farther than I am now, rather than have to face a fact more bruising to the ego. (I'm sure that's not the reason for my support, though it is tempting!)
But, in the face of it all, I continue to apply for work. I'm sure that thinking, "yeah, another resume gone to the black hole of cyberspace" or "well, this is a long shot" will not help my chances any. I feel like I am caught in a perpetual catch-22; hello folks, I need a job BEFORE I can say I have experience, ok? In all fairness, my wife's reaction, in its impervious logic, stated that these two have been working for years on something they've wanted--and I might be there too had I realized what I wanted earlier in life; I can't expect it to happen overnight.
And I don't. I just find that such a huge part of my identity is what I can say I do for a living, to say I can adequately provide for my family. I find I get passionate about politics, positioning, and the chess behind human politicking. I have searched for jobs with the words "political affairs", "political analyist" and both of those with the word "assistant" in them to maybe catch a break on an entry level job. But, with every passing resume submitted to the depths of nothingness in cyberspace, never to be heard from again, it can't help but ware on me and my self-worth.
I can't help but think that the man my wife met nearly three years ago who was confident, and sure of himself was fooling her--and himself. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that she loves me; and knowing her demand for excellence with anything she's associated with, perhaps she sees something I don't.
I love you, Sexy. Don't stop believing.
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2 comments:
Everyone's life moves at a different speed. The important thing to getting what you want out of life is tenacity, and patience- both of which you have have droves of. I wouldn't worry about your current situation. You have many things that I would compare to you that I don't have, but, again, time is the only decider really. Just keep doing what you're doing and always, keep your eye on your goal. The moment you look away it gets easier not to stare at it. :)
I will never stop believing in you! I have faith you will achieve personal success but you have to first define your goals! You are (and will continue to be) a great man! I love you.
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