Release and Surprise

I have found that the sooner we release our expectations we have of others, the sooner we can offer them the opportunity to surprise us. The sooner we extinguish these expectations and accept those for who they are, the sooner, I believe, we can accept people for who they are, rather than expect them to act the way we would have them act, or expect them to react a prescribed way to a particular situation. I believe it is only then, that we rid ourselves of our own subjectivity, and see people for who they are--the good as well as the bad--rather than who we want them to be.

I have found this true with the relationship with my brothers. My first Christmas back from moving to Florida, I did not get a "warm reception" they way I had envisioned it. I departed Phoenix upset and rebellious toward them. Then my wife said something in her wonderful wisdom: "Nick, you're just pissed because they're not acting the way you want them to." And there's the light bulb. It was then and there I realized I needed to let go of the expectations I had of their reactions toward me, to let them be who they are and accept that, and realize they are not going to react the same way towards a social or a family issue as I would approach these same subjects. The more I expect them to act the way I would, the sooner I am setting myself up for disappointment.

The next rendezvous, my grandmother's memorial, I instituted this new logic, and I found that I was much more comfortable around them, not constantly wishing they would react to my comments or existence in the room as they would another brother. It was when I let go of these disappointments founded on expectation, that I discovered these very disappointments distracted me from the good in my relationship with them.

I can't change the people in my life; but I can change my expectations of them.